BE: Help! I don't like my kid's new friend!

So, this is my quandary. I don't like my kid's new friend. 
Have you been there before? Don't get me wrong, it's not about personality or likability, either. Honestly, we have kids over ALL THE TIME, they don't have to be perfect little angels for me to like them. I love them all, they all have their own unique qualities that endear them to me. And this latest friend, I don't dislike her, for HER, I dislike her friendship to my kids. She is a neighbor and summer break is coming soon. So what do I do?


What does the Bible say about this relationship? 

Proverbs 22:24-25

Don't hang out with angry people; don't keep company with hotheads.  Bad temper is contagious - don't get infected.

Proverbs 13:20

Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.

Proverbs 12:15 MSG

Fools are headstrong and do what they like; wise people take advice.

There are so many scriptures about hanging out with foolish people...and it applies not only to us as adults. So much more to children who are sponges and imitators...they aren't weighing out, is this a wise person? No, that is for the parent to decide. We are the ones with the wisdom of our years to benefit us...and we need to use it to the benefit our children. 

When our children were babies, sometimes, it would be very tempting to leave them in the car and just run into a convenience store to pick up a gallon of milk. But, my husband used to say, would you leave a million dollars in the car? If the answer is no, isn't that little child - that little gift from God worth so much more?!

So, I am using that same reasoning to apply to this situation. Would I trust this girl with a million dollars of my money? If no, why am I entrusting my child's well-being, safety, conscience and innocence with this girl?

The children God gave me is my first responsibility. I will have to answer to God how I treat them and how well I parented them. Thank God, He is a God of grace...but, when we knowingly put our children in harms way because we don't want to "look like the bad guy", that is just cowardice on my part. Am I thinking more about what people will think of me, than I am the results of a poor relationship on my child? On the other hand, I feel a responsibility to this girl to give her guidance, love and encouragement. 

Game Plan:

1. Pray for her.

2. Talk to our kids. (Not yell and give ultimatums, but reason and talk with them.) 

• Balance - She will not be the friend they spend the majority of time with. 
• Encourage complete honesty. 
• Explain why you are uncomfortable with the friendship. 
• Be reasonable and calm.
• Don't shut down the conversation by being judgmental, not listening, or  being unreasonable.

3. Set boundaries. 

• She is allowed to come over for 1 hour a couple times a week. 
• We must be physically there at all times. (No going inside, if we are outside, and vise verse.) 
• They must ask before inviting her over.

4. There is no tolerance for rude talk and/or lying. 

Sorry, I don't need my kids to pick up bad habits!

5. I need to become a friend to her. 

If she just needs some love and direction, I am here to give it to her. People aren't always the way we want them to be but we can still deal with them positively...but, the point is, is this is where my influence over this girl can be a blessing. I cannot expect my younger children to influence her for good. 

Lord, help me balance my responsibility to these two precious gifts,
with my responsibility to be a light to this world.

God bless, if you are in this situation, I hope this helps you. I understand there are many variations to this problem, the child's age, if they are friends at school, or if they are your friend's/families child, etc...all these can throw some major clunkers into the situation. But, I would encourage you to be prayerful, ask God to give you wisdom in the situation, to learn to love the difficult person, and to continue the conversation with your child. 
Kristen