DO: Book Club: "Shepherding a Child's Heart" - Chapter 2

See to it that no one takes you captive 

through hollow and deceptive philosophy, 

which depends on human tradition 

and the basic principles of this world 

rather than on Christ. 

Colossians 2:8

Shaping Influences:

This chapter will take some time for all of us to think through what we bring to our family. Our past matters and we carry it into our future (and our children's futures). Think through what the "shaping influences" were in your life. Then, go through and see what "shaping influences" you are building into your child's life.

I think this was a powerful chapter in many ways. The first was identifying all those things that we never really think about in our pasts, that have shaped who we are today. All the questions such as, how many times did you move, was there enough money or never enough, was there marriage or divorce, was there good health or sickness, was there social stability or instability? All of these factors play in to who we become as a person, how well-adjusted we may be as an adult or fears that we may have formed due to circumstances.

We discussed in our parenting small group just this week, that many "shaping influences" are out of our control as parents - divorce may not have been our choice, but it happened; finances may be tight, and then we lose a job; etc. We need to use the shaping influences that we do have control over in a Biblical way. The ones we do not have control of, we need to teach our children how to respond to the "unfairness" or negatives that happen in life, by trusting God with our lives.

"Teach me while my heart is tender." 

Godward Focus

The next very powerful aspect - which I hope will be freeing for all of us parents...children are not inert!  They RESPOND to their environments - no matter if children are raised with parents who made many mistakes or few, there is no guarantee as to how they will turn out. We forget that God made us all as "free-will agents" - we get to choose. It is our responsibility as parents, to do our best - but, just like the example of the potter - the clay is never passive - it responds to the potter and it either rejects or accepts molding. If you have a rebellious son or daughter, it is so important for you to see the real issue - yes, you may have made mistakes (who hasn't?!). But, it is ultimately the child's CHOICE as to how they will respond to your shaping. They must have a heart toward God to respond with a Godward focus. The author wrote the following...

"A certain couple had a rebellious son and they had made many mistakes in childrearing. So, when they looked at their son, they saw their mistakes & their failures. It blinded them to his needs - which was a child who was choosing sin and not to believe or obey God." 

That was one of the best takeaways for me, because as parents, we want to take all the responsibility, guilt, all the shame...but, remember to look honestly at your child and see the real issue (not just your guilt). It may be, that they have a heart that is not seeking after God. Only then can you pray for them with true focus.

Please use the following as a Bible Study (you may want to print out and study with your Bible):

What were my shaping influences in my childhood?

• Structure of Family Life
• Family Values
• Family Roles
• Family Response to Failure
• Family History
• Family Conflict Resolution

What do I see as the shaping influences in my child's lives?

• Structure of Family Life
• Family Values
• Family Roles
• Family Response to Failure
• Family History
• Family Conflict Resolution

1. In the following passages look for evidence of God's concern with the shaping influences you provide:
Gen 18:19
Deuteronomy 6:6-9
Ephesians 6:4
Colossians 3:21


2. Notice the effect of the shaping influences on children in the following passages:
Proverbs 1:8-9
Proverbs 3:1-2
Proverbs 23:19
Proverbs 23:22
Proverbs 23:26
Proverbs 29:21

3. Note the importance of Godward orientation in determining how your children will respond to life and life's circumstances:
Genesis 50:19-21
Psalm 10:1-11
Psalm 14:11
Proverbs 4:23
Proverbs 9:7-10
Mark 7:21-23
Luke 6:45
Romans 1:21-25
I Samuel 2:12-34


4. Importance of good shaping influences:
Ephesians 6:4
I Peter 2:13-23
Psalm 3:1-6


God bless you in your study! I hope you are enjoying finding these treasures of childrearing from the Word of God. Pop-psycology will only get you so far and many times will lead you on a path than is opposite from God's teachings. God bless you all, see you NEXT THURSDAY for the next installment!

Kristen